my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
