I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
