If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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