My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
