i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
