The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
