maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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