Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
