You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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