i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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