i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
