K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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