he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
