when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
