I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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