I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
