Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
