I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
