I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
