I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
