im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
