I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
