I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
