Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
