Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
