where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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