Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
