i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
