Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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