I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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