even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
