I seem to have left my pride at pride
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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