omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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