i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
