i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
