I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
