We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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