you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
