you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
