NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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