Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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