I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
