So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
