How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
