Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
