i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
