she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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