Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
