Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Rumble strips road head = magical
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
