I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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