im holly from the hills drunk
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
